Soccer? Not in this country.

I tried, I really did. I wanted to buy in to what ESPN and the other major sports networks were selling and that was to get pumped for the World Cup because soccer has arrived in America.

Soccer is such a cultural phenomenon around the world. Countries at war will lay down their arms during these matches and then ironically start rioting with each other during the game. I have admiration for these fans that show a passion for their team not seen in this country outside the city limits of Green Bay, Wisconsin.

So I made a decision that I was actually going to sit down and watch some of these soccer games and figured that I would begin to understand the love that 90% of the world has for this sport.....I was wrong.

Now I am not one to take America's side over the rest of the world when the two are at odds, but I will wave the stars and stripes high on this one. It was painful to try to finish watching one of these games. Soccer is really really REALLY boring. I found myself getting excited when the commercials would start.

What kind of sport almost assures your team at least a tie after you score once? Team Brazil was an offensive juggernaut because they averaged 2 goals a game. It would be one thing if the low-scoring was off-set by some fast paced action in between goals, but they just kick it back and forth for 2 hours.

It's equivelant to watching a baseball game and knowing that the most exciting thing you might see is a sacrifice fly.

The only positive thing that came out of my World Cup experience is that for once in my life I was able to feel patriotic. Republicans have been telling me that I am a bad American for so long that I really liked that feeling of belonging for a change.

So this is what I have to say to all you soccer fans out there. If you don't like that we hate soccer in America...then you can just get out!

...Toby Keith would be so proud of me right now.

--Doohow

Farewell to the King

Today the King and his Hand parted ways.

It is a sad day.

King Rich is one of the most interesting people I've ever met.

He was one of my inters with the Braves this year. We did some broadcasts together, and he wound up running the scoreboard for the last third of the season. He was my partner on my string of wacky Friday night adventures.

He is an encylcopedia of sports, music and movie knowledge. He has a ton of very clever/funny sayings.

He's a good cat.

I was really proud the day he brought up my post "A kind of purgatory" on our way to the Red Sox game (of Ticketgate fame), and we had a rather thoughtful discussion. It's been a while since I've had kind of a deep discussion with any of my friends.

The King is a great guy, has been a great friend and it has truley been a pleasure getting to know him this summer.

We sent the summer off in style last night. I went over to the King's mansion with 2 fourties apiece for him, myself and his roommate Joe. I also had a bottle of Doc's. We finished those and moved on to Gin and Tonics.

My lasting memory of the Kings last night on the cape: Him dancing on a sofa with a pizza box on his head.

COLLEGE!

Making out on the sidewalk in Brooklyn. (Tom's wacky New York adventure)

My sister Summer(a new reader to the blog) lives in New York. She has for all three summers I've been on the cape. She's hassled me to come visit all three summers, and has only gotten me to actually go to New York for a night on my way back home my first summer.

Well, she finally convinced me last weekend.

I was hoping to roll with the King, but he bounced to a PGA event instead.

I got off work Friday, slept a couple hours, and drove into New York. Summer's directions were pretty awful. I wound up lost in Manhatten. So I had my sister giving me directions via the phone, while I tried to manuever around a mystical land with no lanes and no rules, with 3,000 pound killing machines running in pure anarchy.

It took me about two hours just to get out of Manhatten. Blah.

When I finally got to Brooklyn, my sis met me on the road and drove me back to her place. We had some KILLER ribs, drank a bunch of beer, watched the Twins lose to the (GOD DAMNED) Yankees, watched Rounders and slept.

The next day, Summer and her fiance went to the game, and left me in her apartment with a big screen TV, high speed wireless internet, and a fridge full of beer. It was pretty killer. And the Twins beat the (GOD DAMNED) Yankees.

I used the day to lose $60 playing poker online. Not my best showing.

They came back, picked me up (already kinda drunk) and it was off to the bar. We grabbed a couple beers and some food at the first bar, then it was off to Johnny Mack's to play some pool.

It was the first time I'd touched a cue since I left Mankato.

We were sharing the table with another threesome, I'd play against my sis and her fiance, then they'd play a game, and back and forth.

After a couple games I asked their table if someone wanted to shoot with me. A german girl said she would.

So, we shot some pool, and I worked that sweet Tom thang. Eventually, the bar closed (I know I called a couple of guys about fantasy football, but I have no idea where it fit in chronologically), and my sister suggested that we all go to a little diner and get some breakfast.

Gosh my sister's swell.

She had to drop her fiance off, because he was in kind of rough shape. I'm pretty sure we took a taxi, dropped him off, and then went to the diner. Our new friends Jen, Evan and the german girl Laura met us there.

I had the worst omelette in the long, storied history of omeletts. It was pastrami and egg in a horrible combination. BLAH!

After breakfast, Laura invited us out the next night. I found myself in a dillemma, I was supposed to work my last night of security the next night.

At the time, I decided a European education was more important than showing up for work.

We all walked home.....and it seems like it was 137,000 blocks. At some point Laura and I fell behind and wound up making out on a corner in Brooklyn for a short while.

Laura was staying with Jen and Evan (at least I think that's what their names were.....I wasn't really paying attention). We got to their house first, and I tell you, it was in the bag.

My sister's apartment is very small. I was crashing on the floor of her living room. If she had a spare bedroom, all I would have had to do was ask, and Laura would have been there. We said goodnight, and see you tommorow.

The next morning, I decided I couldn't let my boss down. I got up, watched the Twins, and drove back to the Cape. Traffic sucked on the way out too, but we had better directions at least.

I'm interested to know how things would have turned out if Summer had an extra bedroom. As a general rule, I wouldn't bang someone I just met. Generally.

But I was REALLY drunk. And I've always had kind of a European girl fantasy thing. I mean, who doesn't occasionally think about a fine German education?

Most guys brag about how many girls they've been with, I brag about how few I've been with.

I can't help but wonder, what would Bob think?

Looks like I'M not going to work tommorow! (Drunk)

I met a girl from Germany tonight.

I'm not going to work tommorow because I hope to see her.

Wish me luck!