I know all of you who have been reading my blog faithfully for years (or the weeks I've actually had it) are constantly on the lookout for new technology. Let me present to you my newest invention!
It is this magical surface that you can set things on, and it will carry the items you set down some distance. The prototype is black and kind of rubbery, and I designed it to carry things a short distance from a customers cart to a cashier.
NO, it is NOT a conveyor belt. People will actually know how to USE my invention. They wont set there items down and be surprised when they start moving. People won't grab their things and set them back down to keep their precious trinkets from getting away. People will not try to write checks on my new invention and be mad when their checkbook and upper body (which is leaning on the invention) start moving towards the cashier. They won't have to scramble to pick up cash that they set on my invention.
Why won't people do those things you ask? Becuase my invention will automatically punch someone in the face for being an IDIOT. OBVIOUSLY conveyor belts are much too complex for people. My invention will be simple. I bet people will quickly stop doing all the things I listed above, and will even stop doing some things I didn't mention.
I see a lot of interesting things at Target. I've sold both underwear to real hot girls, and I've sold it to behemoths that would probably eat me. I've sold contraceptives, pregnancy tests and every feminin hygeine product on the market. I've had a woman storm off, COMPLETELY pissed off that I had to get her date of birth so she could buy some cough medicine. Sometimes people just bewilder me.
Why is it that people will just abandon their carts at the registers? I mean seriously, you got the cart by the door, you can't leave WITHOUT going back to the door, why just leave it behind? You had to have it to gather your precious trinkets, can't you reward it's faithful service and give it a ride back home? If you had a secretary that was incable of movement, would you just leave her at her desk in your office when you left? I think not! Show the carts some love folks.
And what is the deal with creidt card swipers? People have SO MUCH trouble with them, I can't believe it. I forgot to mention it above, but my new invention also has a card reader that will punch people in the face too. I mean, there's a little picture of how your card goes in. If you hesitate, or look bewildered, I'll tell you just how to run it.
If I say, "Would you spin it around so the visa part is towards you," that does NOT mean "I MUST be holding it correctly. I will insert it now." Everyone always complains, "everyone is different!" Well gee-golly-gosh dumbass, they'll all tell you how to insert/swipe the card and when to do it. It's understandable when people get pissed off at card readers too, I mean it is just a WICKED inconveinence when you have to flip your card over and SWIPE it again. I mean, who has TIME to swipe thy card a SECOND TIME???????
All of this after just 3 weeks at Target, imagine how much I'll have to say in a month!
Peace, homies.
Stay black.
