Yikes

I saw an ex tonight.

It's funny, I didn't date the girl for long, and I broke up with her, but she really fucked my shit up.

It was a serious damper on an otherwise pleasent evening.

Slut.

It's a question of intimacy

I'm constantly wondering about just what I should put up on my blog.

The only thing I really know is that I sould update it more regularly.

Usually, I'm just lazy, but the last couple of weeks I've been working a TON.

But as far as content goes, it's always an issue of what to include.

Take, for instance, Amanda. In the turd post, I talk about her being a hot co-worker. I think I repeat it a couple of times (well, she is really hot). Should I be concerned that a Target team member might see the link to my blog on Facebook and will tell someone and they will tell someone, and soon I'm facing sexual harrassment!?!

Maybe that's a little extreme.

But still, how personal should I become?

I have no problem telling embarrassing stories from my past (coming soon: TomLore-Dan's Wedding), but there is no way I'll talk about the girl I've been pining over for like a year.

I also wonder if I should swear. In my sanctity of marriage post, I let loose. It was the first time I REALLY swore in this blog. I guess it's an issue of class.

Then, what is blogworthy? With as noble a title as Toms For America, I feel like I should cut crap like Tuesday, February 19, I went sledding, it was fun. out of my blog forever. I try to avoid that sort of shit.

Then occasionally, I get drunk and like to post. Kind of amusing, but thes can also be extremely personal. I think I've only done it twice so far and I took one down.

I guess I'll just sort of keep winging it, and hope that my four loyal readers tell all their friends.

If you happened to stumble across this blog by chance, read a couple of the older posts.

And of course, my 4 loyal readers and any who might stumble across this gem, make sure you leave lots of feedback on my posts, so that I can always be sure to keep Toms For America trucking in the right direction.

Unless you oppose gay marrige, then you can punch your wife/girlfriend, tell them that they're a slut, get back in your rusty old chevy, grab your dogs nuts and drive back to texas.

I'm out.

Sanctity of Marriage

I read in the paper today that there was a rally in front of the capital recently (St. Paul), supporting a constitutional ammendment banning gay marriage.

Seriously, give me a fucking break.

Here's something you can't hear enough: FUCK THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE.

Or, as George Carlin might say, fuck the sanctity of marriage, fuck it in the ass with a big rubber dildo.

As you may or may not have noticed, I'm somewhat charged on the issue.

I don't see why gays are treated the way they are. Some fuckball in the paper was quoting as saying something to the effect that he didn't want his tax dollars to go toward paying for benefits for life partners in same sex unions.

Well, Mr. Fuckball: (get ready, here it comes)
I don't MY tax dollars to go to cracked out bitches who are fucking their boyfriends who beat them while their children watch TV hungry. I don't want my tax dollars to go towards paying for a war for fucking oil when I'm paying more then 2 goddamn dollars per gallon for gas. I don'twant my fucking tax dollars paying for a judicial system bogged down by wonderfucks who are suing because the coffee they just bought was fucking hot and burnt them when they spilled it on their hand (you mean they serve that shit hot? I've got to get some of that!) and inmates suing because their fucking underwear is too tight. The absolute last thing on my mind at any god damn moment is whether or not some dude's life partner is able to afford an operation. Fuck it!

What bothers me the most is the sanctity of marriage argument. How can we, as americans, say we hold marriage sacred? What percentage of society has been divorced?

Here's an idea: if we are really concerned about the sanctity of marriage, lets only allow unmarried people, and couple who have never been divorced vote. This group does not exclude homosexuals.

Also, lets get some statistics on same sex unions. What is their rate of divorce (is it divorce)? I mean, I'm willing to bet a couple of people in a same sex union have gone though a lot more than their early teenage years before they get married.

I don't feel that my argument is as convincing as it could be. DooHow, get registered and weigh in this.

I'm so tired of hearing about how gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry.

One of the good guys

Over the summers, I intern for the Bourne Braves of the Cape Cod Baseball league.

It is the premier NCAA summer league.

We get the best players in the country.

1 out of every 6 big leaguers has played in this league.

In two years, I have seen some talented players.

There is one man, one player, one individual I've met that stands out above the rest.

His name is Mike Madsen.

Mike went to school at Ohio State. My first year with the Braves, he was amazing. He had one bad start, and it cost him the all-time cape cod league ERA title. He would have shattered it without that start.

Mike started the All-Star game. I have his stats somewhere, but for now I'll leve it at this; Mike dominated the Cape League.

Mike was gracious even to let us interview him several times during the games I broadcast that summer. I've talked to a lot of players in the Cape League, but none intrigue me more than Mike.

It's hard to explain the kind of ballplayer Mike is. In a word, focused. He preferred to sit in the dugout during games he wasn't pitching in, it allowed him to stay focused.

In a league of primma donnas, Mike went against the grain. He was blue collar. He was a great guy.

To watch him pitch, you would never understand his dominance. He pitched like Brad Radke with strikeouts. He doesn't throw hard (altough his 90ish fastball would make me cry if I took a hack at it). He doesn't walk batters. Nobody could seem to hit the guy.

After burning down the Cape League on a team that couldn't hit or field (translation=couldn't win) Mike returned to Ohio State for his senior season. He struggled. I THINK he was 6-4 with a high 4 ERA. Not the kind of dominance that will make you a high draft pick.

Mike was taken in the 21st round. 641st over all to the Oakland Athletics.

I'm telling you, barring an injury, THIS GUY is a MAJOR LEAGUER.

He dominated his first professional season. He went 6-1 with a league-low 1.65 ERA. It was either a rookie league or low A ball.

But watch for him.

Baseball America ranks him the #28 prospect in the A's organization. Sports Weekly didn't put him in the top 10 prospects in the A's org., but he did make honorable mention.

Mike Madsen is the kind of guy you hope your organization steals as a throw in prospect.

You heard it here first, Mike Madsen will be a Major Leaguer.

One of the biggest turds, ever. Not for the weak of stomach. (expanded)

The other day, when I was Target, like I am every day, I was asked to meet a female team member in front of the bathroom.

I went, and was told that there was a code brown.

Amanda, one of my many hot co-workers, showed me what we were dealing with. It was a big shit. A real big shit. The toilet had over flowed, there was a lot of water on the floor and a big pile of shit in the toilet. It was awful. It was probably the third biggest turd, or turdpile, I've ever seen.

As Amanda said so elegantly, "That's more shit than I've shit in my entire life!"

You haven't really lived until you've heard a hot girl say the previous sentence. Trust me. If you're married, write it down on a notecard and ask your wife to read it before the next time you're going to get intimate. Single guys, make your girlfriends read this blog.

Trust me.

Anyway.....

I've stayed at the state fair many years, and lived in the dorms at MSU. I've seen some big craps. I'm not going to lie, I've seen bigger indivdual turds. But this was a seriously huge pile of shit. Kind of like the stegasaurus in Jurassic Park.

It was amazing. It was disgusting. It was awful.

And I got to flush it, but at least I wasn't alone.

Amanda was there with me, repeating "Oh my God that's so gross, that's more shit than I've ever shit in my entire life!" and our immediate supervisor Molly had to coach me on the plunging (we had to call and ask for more back-up.)

So how many team members does it take to get a huge pile of shit down the toilet?

The answer, apparently, is three.